Hey everyone and Happy Tuesday. 🙌🏽 Just felt like it was important for me to be open and honest. Today, is not a good day for me. I didn't get up early and go gym. Instead, I cried a little and realised how heavy I felt inside. October tends to be a heavy month as its the month I lost my dad in 2012 and in 2019 it was the month I left my long term job and was the run up to when I had severe depression. I really try each year to have a different perspective on it and change the narrative. Reality is, it's not always that simple. In fact, it takes ages to change the effects of trauma BUT something I've realised is that I hadn't opened up about a lot of shit. I started therapy a few weeks ago and it's been the most challenging yet enlightening experience because not only am I getting help but I am also ripping myself apart to glue myself back up again. It's such a painful and heavy process but one that is needed. I've found that I need to journal but have struggled to sit down and do it. Going gym early has pushed me to stay focussed on my fitness goals and to give me routine. Reality is, it's not always that simple. Maybe me writing this here in the app is a way of journalling my thoughts but I honestly believe we have to be real about the hard times. Especially where on places like Instagram, a photo is judged instantly but no one sees what goes on behind it. I've spent many years trying to be good for others, trying to be enough for others and always trying do what was "right" for others. Little did I know I was slowly killing who I really was inside. Lockdown was the first time I had no option but to work on myself. And thank God I did 🙏🏽 Being chosen to be a Body By Ciara Ambassador was the first time I actually felt recognised for being me. For actually just being Daljit. There are many reason why we question "are we good enough" but the actual question should be why am I even asking this question?! I am good enough!!! I still struggle with it because I'm human. To uncondition all the years of not feeling accepted or understood or putting aside what I actually loved, sacrificing things to please others because you love them, isn't easy. I'm sure there's many of you reading this and relating in some way or another. If you didn't get bored and read all the way to the end lol, just know it's okay to be vunerable because that's where we get courage from. Thank you for even taking time to read this and I hope whatever battles you're facing, you overcome them with strength and power. 🙏🏽💖

Posted by Daljit at 2021-10-12 09:26:42 UTC